I Didn’t Want a Boy

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First of all, after years of not conceiving and an uncertain diagnosis of PCOS, I was elated to be pregnant!  I truly thought it would never happen.

I assumed it would be a girl. Girls are dominant in my family, and Chris’ family is pretty even. He is a man and a coach so naturally his primal desire is to have a boy.

In the beginning, I did not care what gender our baby would be. In fact, I didn’t want to know until it was born.

Then, I was reminded of a conversation I had a few years ago with another coach’s wife. She was having a boy. She was worried about the expectations of a coach’s son. She was panicked about him being pushed too far to excel in sports. “Will my husband have time to help raise a boy?” She asked. “Boys need their fathers and he is gone a lot.”  I talked to her about how great a role model he will be because of the career he has chosen. I told her that he would be there more than she thought.

The moment I remembered this conversation, I felt an impending doom. I suddenly began to care what gender our child would be. I didn’t share that with anyone, except for that coach’s wife, and another dear friend. I began hoping for a girl. I thought I would be more competent to take care of a girl. People would ask what I thought I was having and I would reply, “Probably a boy,” in hopes that it would be a girl. I felt the first kick, and knew it was a boy. You can call it mother’s intuition.

A few weeks later, on Valentine’s Day, we went for an ultrasound. We asked the technician not to reveal the sex, she tried her best. When we saw the doctor afterwards, he said, “It’s hard for me to know and not tell you.” Again, primal instinct. He was excited because he knew my coach husband was having a boy.  At least, that’s what I presumed. We went on a date, arrived at home, and decided to have a private reveal party- just the two of us.  We watched the ultrasound; head, hand, foot, and penis. My husband teared up (primal, sort of). I shrugged and said, “I told you so.”

You see, I remembered everything about that conversation, except what I said to her. Everything I said was right. I called her to tell her we were having a boy, and express to her how terrified I was. She reminded me of what I said, and started telling me how awesome it is to have a son. She told me; he is funny, he is messy, he never stops, and he LOVES his momma. Everything she said was right. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Well, that and this verse, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Phil 4:6-7

Now, it seems trivial to me to have been so worried about having a boy. I was anxious about something so far into the future. I was scared that Chris wouldn’t have his heart in mind (this might be the craziest thing I was fearful of). I am embarrassed to have been so worried. I am fascinated by him. I have the honor of raising a gentleman. I get to prepare him to love the Lord. Nothing compares to his hugs, kisses, and cuddles.

He is great.

He is flirty.

He is funny.

He is a mess.

He never stops.

He LOVES his momma.

His momma LOVES him.

I would be happy to have all boys.

I am horrified of braids and bows.

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