I Didn’t Want a Boy

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First of all, after years of not conceiving and an uncertain diagnosis of PCOS, I was elated to be pregnant!  I truly thought it would never happen.

I assumed it would be a girl. Girls are dominant in my family, and Chris’ family is pretty even. He is a man and a coach so naturally his primal desire is to have a boy.

In the beginning, I did not care what gender our baby would be. In fact, I didn’t want to know until it was born.

Then, I was reminded of a conversation I had a few years ago with another coach’s wife. She was having a boy. She was worried about the expectations of a coach’s son. She was panicked about him being pushed too far to excel in sports. “Will my husband have time to help raise a boy?” She asked. “Boys need their fathers and he is gone a lot.”  I talked to her about how great a role model he will be because of the career he has chosen. I told her that he would be there more than she thought.

The moment I remembered this conversation, I felt an impending doom. I suddenly began to care what gender our child would be. I didn’t share that with anyone, except for that coach’s wife, and another dear friend. I began hoping for a girl. I thought I would be more competent to take care of a girl. People would ask what I thought I was having and I would reply, “Probably a boy,” in hopes that it would be a girl. I felt the first kick, and knew it was a boy. You can call it mother’s intuition.

A few weeks later, on Valentine’s Day, we went for an ultrasound. We asked the technician not to reveal the sex, she tried her best. When we saw the doctor afterwards, he said, “It’s hard for me to know and not tell you.” Again, primal instinct. He was excited because he knew my coach husband was having a boy.  At least, that’s what I presumed. We went on a date, arrived at home, and decided to have a private reveal party- just the two of us.  We watched the ultrasound; head, hand, foot, and penis. My husband teared up (primal, sort of). I shrugged and said, “I told you so.”

You see, I remembered everything about that conversation, except what I said to her. Everything I said was right. I called her to tell her we were having a boy, and express to her how terrified I was. She reminded me of what I said, and started telling me how awesome it is to have a son. She told me; he is funny, he is messy, he never stops, and he LOVES his momma. Everything she said was right. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Well, that and this verse, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Phil 4:6-7

Now, it seems trivial to me to have been so worried about having a boy. I was anxious about something so far into the future. I was scared that Chris wouldn’t have his heart in mind (this might be the craziest thing I was fearful of). I am embarrassed to have been so worried. I am fascinated by him. I have the honor of raising a gentleman. I get to prepare him to love the Lord. Nothing compares to his hugs, kisses, and cuddles.

He is great.

He is flirty.

He is funny.

He is a mess.

He never stops.

He LOVES his momma.

His momma LOVES him.

I would be happy to have all boys.

I am horrified of braids and bows.

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Team Leadership – According to a Coach’s Wife

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“Once a player joins our team, our priority is to teach him.”

– Tony Dungy

 

I think there are 6 types of leaders your team needs in order to be successful.

This is who they are:

1. Achievement Leaders

This is your “student-athlete coach.” Your team may have more than one, in fact it should. These are the athletes that take charge, vocally, during practice and competition.  They keep your team focused and on task.

Not only will they need to lead vocally, but also by strong example. They need to show intensity, dedication, and discipline. This will be the athlete that steps up and sets the tone for performance levels.

2. Backup Leaders

These are the athletes that are 2nd or 3rd string. Although they’re often looked-over, they are important. Think about how many players don’t get a lot of playing time. You probably have more back-up players than star players.

Your substitute leader will help other subs understand their part in making your team successful. Their role is to keep disgruntled subs from becoming discouraged, which can deplete team morale.

3. Huddle Leaders

Have you ever seen a team come back from a huddle or locker-room play completely different than they did before?

Well, sometimes that is the coach changing a game scheme, most of the time it’s the motivation of a huddle leader.

These are the guys who set a firm foundation for team morale and expectations.  They lead the team with their words and actions. They will be positive and reflective.

4. Organizational Leaders

This type of leader will be involved in organizations and groups outside of the team. They keep your team involved in what is happening around the school.

This leader will represent your team at meetings and events.

5. Communal Leaders

These are the social leaders. They will focus on your overall team bond and relationships.

Your team will have smaller group connections. It may be divided by offense/defense, position, or grade-level. Either way, they will make a point to connect those groups socially.

They will also plan events with other athletic teams in order to get to know each other better.

6. Inspirational Leaders

The inspirational leaders will be purposeful.  They will influence other players to recognize their faith on the field/court. Their goal is to empower and encourage people to make a difference.

 

It is necessary for coaches to seek out leaders for these roles. Some athletes will shy away because they worry about what others think. Make an effort to develop these leaders, challenge them, and encourage them daily.

“Your first and foremost job as a leader is to take charge of your own energy and then help to orchestrate the energy of those around you” – Peter F. Drucker

 

Don’t Let the Coach Sing to Your Baby and The Story of the Sad Boy

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I try to post a #trht (That Really Happened Tuesday) on Facebook every week. Now that I have this little blog, I am going to post them here.

Our Son is 2 weeks from turning 1. Shortly after he was born, I started getting cabin fever and NEEDED to get out of the house. So my husband Chris, baby and I went for a drive. I wanted to drive and he obliged. After driving around town for about 5 minutes, our sweet little colic baby began to cry, and Chris tried to comfort him in the backseat, but no matter what he did the baby kept crying. Knowing that our son liked to hear singing, I told Chris, “Sing to him.”  To which Chris replied, “I don’t know what to sing, I don’t know any songs.”  “Make one up,” I said.

A few moments later he started rapping,

“Go, go, go, go, go, go
Go shorty, it’s your birthday
We gonna party like it’s your birthday
We gonna sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday”

It wasn’t exactly “Twinkle, Twinkle Litttle Star,” but he stopped crying courtesy of 50 Cent.

 

Yesterday, we chose to go on a family walk. As we were walking, we watched a grandpa and grandson playing catch in the street. The scene led us to talking about our little boy playing catch and how fun it will be to teach him.

All of the sudden I see the ball pass the boy and he turned with his head down. “Awww, Look Chris, he is sad,” I said. Chris looked at me with his classic touching eyebrows. “No Mindy, he isn’t sad, he is peeing.”

 

Bloom Where You’re Planted

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I have been a coach’s spouse for 7 seasons. Yes, we go by seasons not years in our home. We have moved eight times, which is difficult for me because I am an apprehensive person, unless I REALLY know you. In that case, I am an over-sharer of thoughts (as my sister says), singer of random words, and maker of funny faces.

When I first became a coach’s wife, I had no idea what my life would be like.

I didn’t know that sports would be so significant to my life, which is totally fine-I love sports.

I didn’t know that, while my husband coached college football, I would be a “mom away from home.”

I had no idea there would be boys at my house every day.

There was no indication that I would weep for boys who had come from rough homes, especially since I am not a crier.

I didn’t think I would call someone other than my child “son.”

I would not have believed you if you told me I would drive for HOURS to see former players play in bowl games.

I didn’t know that he would be gone most of the time with players, parents, and other coaches.

I didn’t realize I would appreciate my former coaches for putting in long hours, and loving me despite my hard-head.

You couldn’t have told me that I would have bonds with women across the US that are also coach’s wives.

I had no idea it would cause me to love him more for his role in past, present, and future players lives.

I didn’t know that our relationship as husband and wife, and his career as a coach, would bring us both closer to Christ.

There were times, early in our marriage; I would have changed his career. I would have begged him to move back home, but I have learned that God WILL give you more than you can handle. He will help you to grow into your role as a coach’s wife. He will help you Bloom Where You’re Planted. He might pick you up and plant you somewhere else. He might plant you a lot of places. Just remember – Hang in there, Pray, and Love your coach. He is making a difference, and you are too!

 

What are some things that have you have learned living as a wife of a coach?